Word Wednesday

The word for today is surrender.  

Lately, God has been walking me through the tough process of becoming less.  Over the past few years, I've found myself involved, to a scope well beyond any initial intention, in a ministry.  Each year found me taking on more and more responsibility to meet the needs of the sweet youth that we served.  But recently things have changed...

On paper, I actually have MORE responsibility.  I'm co-leader now.  

In reality, as half of a team, I find that my duties don't cover the same span they did before, and I'm feeling a little underappreciated and underutilized in one of the main ways I served last year.  I LOVE these girls, and my new role finds me having less one-on-one interaction with them and doing mostly the admin work (which, to be fair, is quite a job in and of itself).  

I guess I just didn't realize how much the relationships with the girls meant to me.  How much I enjoy pouring into them and seeing them improve in skill and grow in maturity. How much I would miss the very thing I never wanted to do from the get-go.  It's a very eye-opening experience indeed.

As I bemoaned my situation yet again to God the other day, He was gracious to remind me that this ministry is His, and I'm just a steward.  And that my co-leader is actually the one who started the ministry years ago, before a move out of state took her away from it, so in many ways, I just helped to keep the program going until it could come back to her.

But I'm not going to lie...I am still struggling to be at peace with my new role.  I KNOW I'm profoundly over-committed in many areas, and I should be happy that this season will mean less intense work for me.  But it's a constant reminder to surrender.  To be still and know that He is God.  To know that I plan my way, but the Lord directs my steps.  To know that He is sovereign, and I am not.  He knows what's best for me...what His plans for me are.  I just need to trust and obey.  To do what I'm called to do.  It's not easy, because my human emotions get in the way.  But it is what I need to do.  And I only see THIS part of the picture.  THIS piece of the puzzle.  Who knows, I could get to the end of this season and find God blessed my socks off in ways I never could have imagined. So I'll keep reminding myself to surrender to His perfect will, and look forward to seeing what He brings of this new turn of events.