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Tuesday, July 29, 2008

Scott's story..part one

For as long as I can remember, I have wanted to be a mother. I actually had great difficulty in college choosing, or caring about, a major since I knew I wanted to be a stay at home mom. So I chose Social Science Education with a minor in History and would joke...TOTALLY tongue in cheek...that at least that would be helpful if I should ever decide to homeschool my kids (which was not even a BLIP on my radar screen at that point, but it seemed like a justification for an education that would "go to waste" as soon as I left the workplace and started doing what I KNEW I was meant to do.)
Of course, that requires two things: a husband (which I had...and which I suppose many people view as optional, but of course it's NOT according to God's plan) and CHILDREN...or at least a child for starters. Like most young couples, we never thought we'd have any challenges in that area.

Until...


Until year after year passed by and we we not pregnant.

So we had all the usual testing. My husband was fine (of course). My testing was more extensive (months of charting Basal Body Temps and bloodwork, etc.), but my desire for a child was so palpable that I'd do anything. There's this test called and HSG that involves dye and checks to be sure all the tubes, etc. are open and functional. That was the next step for me. I waited several weeks for an opening. Then we drove down there that morning full of anticipation of finding out one more piece of the puzzle. And once there, I did all the usual pre-appointment paperwork.
And then they finally called my name...

to say that because I was allergic to shellfish, they could NOT do the test.

I cried. And cried. And cried.

All my hopes hung on this test, and they couldn't do it. I called my doctor's office in despair. They graciously agreed to try clomid without the test, and see if it worked. If it did, the test was unnecessary anyway. If it didn't work after a few months, we could revisit everything. So I got the Clomid, kept charting the BBT's and prayed. A lot. I even welcomed the potential side effect of having multiples since we had had such a hard time conceiving even one child thus far.

Month one yielded no results.

Month two yielded no results.

Month three? An ovarian cyst (a result of the Clomid) and

A baby.

I was finally pregnant.

There is no way to describe the excitement. I took, I don't know, a TON of pregnancy tests. Then I wanted the doctor to confirm them. It seemed too good to be true. Over 4 years into our marriage (and 5 years by the time our son was born) and we were finally expecting. Those four years were filled with disappointment on a level I can't adequately describe.
(Read a tad about it in this segment of another post: See, we struggled with infertility for 5 years. And while we were "praying" for a baby, our spiritual walks were no where near where they are now, and I can't say it went much deeper than that. We relied mostly on our own strength, and every month was hard. My cycles have became irregular when I went off "the pill" in my early 20's and we started trying to have a family. And cycles that were sometimes 28 days, sometimes 2-3 months between periods were not uncommon for me (and still aren't). Imagine that being your "normal" and then add trying to get pregnant into the mix. Every time a regular person's 28 cycle would pass, I would begin to wonder, am I pregnant. Days would stretch to weeks. At first, of course, I took pregnancy tests regularly, but when they would be negative and still no period, you think to yourself, It could be wrong, so you take another. And another. And another. Then you just stop taking them. And you stop believing this act that seems so simple for undesiring teens around the country is ever going to happen for you. Each period is like a baby lost. You can't help but think when you haven't had a cycle in 3 months that maybe the tests are just wrong. Your hopes get up a little. You start to think, What if? And then BAM! All your hopes are dashed again and again and again. Chart after chart, test after test. )

But it all disappeared in an instant when that pink plus sign appeared.

I'll finish his story later...I really ought to do something tangibly productive now, LOL.
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4 comments:

Lisa said...

I'm "one of those" too...totally infertile...years of heartache praying and hoping for a baby. It's gut wrenching. Thank you for writing...hurry up and finish, girl!

Lady G~ said...

I love reading about how other families came to be. Can't wait to hear... the rest of the story.

Like you, all I ever wanted was to be a wife and a mom. Pretty awesome to have that in common. :o)

It took us five years to have our first one. But when God opened my womb, He really opened it! LOL! Soaring Amongst The Clouds was born first. Ten months later, Still Waters arrived. Eighteen months later Daughter of the King was born. So we had three children under the age of three. Then the Squires came along. What a journey it has been....

chewhi said...

wow... thanks for sharing and yeah, can't wait to hear the rest of the story.

That was cute... "tangibly productive"... I REALLY get that!

crispy said...

I am one of those too. Clomid for Tally. But God is good.